Persephone's Perspective

2007-10-30T20:32:00.000-05:00

hmmm

2003-07-16T10:05:00.000-05:00

it's time for a change...i am not sure yet if i will be closing down this blog altogether, or still using it...i feel it is time to renew my voice and have begun another blog...

if you have linked me (well thanks so much!!) and want to continue on the daily journey, please see the new place, So Many Other Dreams... and change your links accordingly...

i might still post here on occasion too, as i said, i am just not sure...

2003-07-11T11:10:00.000-05:00

yesterday's dream...part 2...

I heard Callahan paged to security while I was listening to Jack tell the other two guards that they would play it serious like there was real concern that I had something of value hidden in my person. He reminded them that Callahan had directed me to the bathroom to begin with so she would likely be resistant to the idea.

As Callahan entered the room, I immediately caught her eye and gave a wink in an effort to let her know something was up. Of course, Jack cleared his throat and began his long winded and exaggerated explanation.

“Callahan, the boss approved a cavity search for this perp. She set off all the alarms as she entered the ladies room, and he thinks she might have lifted something in jewelry. I was embarrassed for the little lady because he went on a rant about how poorly we have done in halting small item theft, and how he feels we should so everything at our disposal. Of course we paged you back here because the law requires a female officer present when the perp is female, but the lady here wants her exam done by a female.”

Before I could say anything, Callahan was pushing me into the chair on the front side of the desk, as she sat down in the chair behind the desk. “I think I have seen you around somewhere, though I can’t remember exactly where.”

I explained to her how often I shopped at this store, and one of the other guards, silent until now, mentioned that Callahan had just started a few days prior.

Callahan was quick to offer an explanation. “No, it was the last place I worked security, DRU Books. If I remember correctly, we had some trouble with you there as well.”
DRU stands for dykes-r-us and is a small feminist bookstore which has no security. Callahan was signaling that she was up for some fun at the boys’ expense. I feebly denied that I had any idea what she was talking about, and suggested that perhaps she was mistaken.

“I think you need to keep your mouth shut, Missy, and recognize the fact that at this point, what you think matters to noone present.” Callahan had suddenly transformed the situation so that it would play out totally from her vantage point. Jack and the other two guards were suddenly sitting on the peripheral chairs, like attentive dogs who’d excelled in obedience training.

Callahan looked at the two extra guards in disgust. “Two officers present is the minimum requirement, Jack will stay and you two are dismissed.”

The two guards said nothing but glanced at each other and then at Jack. Before either of them could object to being ordered around by a new employee, they were further intimidated by Callahan. “I said dismissed!!”

The two left the room, red-faced, heads hanging.

As the door closed behind them, Callahan got up and sauntered over to lock the door. She then told Jack to clear the desk and take a seat on the side. This afforded Jack a view of the proceedings yet to transpire. He quickly did as Callahan instructed, grateful for having not been dismissed with the other two guards, yet still oblivious that a carefully orchestrated scene was about to unfold before his eyes.

(to be continued...)

2003-07-10T12:09:00.000-05:00

i woke up this morning wanting to fuck...

As I hurriedly walked past a female security guard into where the rest rooms used to be, she informed me that they had been moved to the back, where the security offices are. I told her thanks. She then informed me that if I rushed in there as I just did here, the security sensors would go off.

I quickly walked to the back of the Target store and slowed down, I thought. By this time i had to pee so badly, I ignored the alarms sounding and proceeded to run into the ladies room. I was in there just long enough to pee and wash my hands.

Upon exiting, I was surrounded immediately by four men, the one in a suit saying follow me, please. Before I could move to follow him, the biggest of the guards, moved over to me and held me up against the wall with the force of his body. His chest was broad and pinned me securely. I was shocked but not scared, and did not struggle. After all, he was big, but easy on the eyes, even for a lesbian, and all of them were armed.

The suit told Jack to take it easy. At this, Jack paused in his frisking, but mentioned that I was not at all squirming, and he thought I was rather liking it. He mentioned in a most sarcastic voice needing to conduct a thorough search to be sure I had no concealed weapon. He had me put my hands out to my sides, like the letter “T”, and then he proceeded to grope me all over. His hands focused much longer than necessary on my ass and breasts, thoroughly inspecting both areas much longer than necessary. The whole while he kept me pinned to the wall with his body.

As his hands were feeling around my shapely ass, his pinning shifted from his chest to his groin area. I couldn’t help but feel his hardening cock. I hadn’t had cock in about 18 years, since I was 20 and still trying to please my folks and act ‘normal’. Remembering his sarcasm, I let myself grind into him just a little, noticeable only to him. He froze for an instant and I felt his cock grow harder still.

“That’s enough Jack!” That was the suit again, of course.

Never one to pass on a challenging situation, I had to speak up. “Jack is trying to decide how to release me and back up without the lot of you seeing his own raging-hard concealed weapon.”

With that said, I looked Jack in the eye and could see the tips of his ears getting slightly red. Of course his hard cock instantly deflated, and I whispered to him “You’re welcome,” and winked subtly as he backed away.

As I was released, I addressed the suit. “The guard at the front where the rest rooms used to be explained to me where they are now, and also informed me that sensors would go off if I rushed by hurriedly. You can see, it is quite obvious, I am empty handed. I do apologize if I have been at all an inconvenience, but I really had to pee.”

At this, the suit had the sense to be a little embarrassed. Jack, however, began ranting about all the small item theft they deal with...reminding him that I would not be the first woman to hide something within my person.

That fucker wants to strip search me!! I was aghast.

At this, the suit stepped aside allowing Jack and the two others to proceed and escort me to a private room. I yelled back to the suit, “Am I not entitled to exam by a female officer?”

The suit mumbled, “Be sure Callahan is present...” which made Jack chuckle in a most perverse way.

I allowed myself to look at him with fearful caution as he replied. “You should have kept your mouth shut. I felt you grinding against me, and I know you would have liked your, umm...search. Now you’ve gone and gotten the dyke involved.”

(to be continued...)

2003-07-09T00:50:00.000-05:00

good morning...woo...i am so wide fucking awake...processing, hitaji might tell me...hitaji was the facilitator of a weekend workshop i did for personal empowerment among other benefits and she is someone i consider a healer...excellent energy...i also participated with a follow up to that workshop and that one day seminar was composed of 6 of the original 12...from that group, we were paired off to form intentional relationships with one other group member...not really given any directions or specific guidelines...just that the relationship be intentional, and that as a duo, we meet twice, minimum, before september...L and i had out first intentional meeting tonight...we have emailed a bit back and forth and talked at length at the gatherings...

tonight we mostly discussed what intentional meant to us...i think we decided on genuine...we went and had dinner and then went to hollywood (gay coffeehouse) for dessert...we gabbed at length and enjoyed ourselves...it will be a path to chronicle, i suppose, and see what more i can learn about myself along the way...

2003-07-07T12:02:00.000-05:00

shopping is so very good for the soul...especially if using ift certificate, the gift that keeps on giving...

for the past two xmases, i worked at oildom and received the standard holiday gift, or seems the standard anyway, of a $300 gift card...the boss' wife, i think, does the picking of who gets what...she is pretty intuitive about who likes what, and i suppose as much as she loves to chat and gossip when she would pop in to the office, her intuitiveness indicates she is also a good listener...

the BG has been remodeling here at the house about 2 years, and her gift cards have included pottery barn and restoration hardware, as well as a little mexican import shop...i think she also got one from lowes, but i cannot remember...

until this past xmas, there have been 2 gift cards...the second one has always been a $100 for taste of texas...a local steakhouse, where dinner for 2, no holds barred, runs about a hundred bucks...of course, a more modest dinner for 4 can also be had for this much, if you decline drinks and share appetizers and desserts...advertising is somewhat down as the industry is depressed at the mooment, so there was no taste of texas this year...i also have always wondered, do the higher-ups get additional gift cards??

so anyway, on to yesterday's shopping therapy...the two years i received a holiday gift card, mine were for williams sonoma...if you have never been to one, i suggest going...at the very least, go to their website and sign up for their catalog...lots of yummy stuff to drool over...

i have been so disciplined in spending my gift card dollars...i cannot remember what i used my first one on, but we have enjoyed a lot of tea from ws as well as some sauces and mustards...in addition, i bought a nice all-clad saute pan, which i have yet to use as we still are without a stove...i got some cookie cooling racks, and some small gadgety tools for my kitchen...

when i received a second ws gift card this past xmas, i debated long and hard, as i did with the first one, over getting a whoopdedoo kitchen aide mixer...they have a tangerine one that i have had my eye on for more than a year now, and i talk myself into and out of it over and over again...i have just as much fun window shopping or browsing as i do actually going there to spend...

yesterday, i went to spend...i had $203 left to spend, and being on unemployment, there have been few splurge dollars available...i had pretty much decided on a le cruessette grill pan or covered casserole, and a stick blender...my last trip their resulted in a 6 inch wusstoff(?) chef's knife which i adore, as well as a three pack of wusstoff paring knives...the chef's knife is really the perfect sixe for a woman (who knew i could be so sexist?) and it is versatile enough to handle most any kitchen knife task...and it is way, way sharp...

of course, once i was actually in the store, i ended up reshopping yet again...i was going to get a waffle iron, but decided to wait on that...i did get the pizza stone i have been wanting for the grill...in theory, i think it might enable me to bake with the grill, and of course i will report on that once i succeed...they also had on clearance some kitchen towels and dish cloths...i got a set of each and they are a lovely lavender striped...also on clearance were some 20 oz light green mexican glasses, quite substantial, etched with palms...i liked them well enough to get a set, but i also have this quirky class thing going on and we have an eclectic assortment of heavy mexican glassware...a collection of sorts...

for foodstuff this trip, i got the BG some beer honey mustard made somewhere in vermont, and we got another variety of the loose russian tea that we like...the last trip there, besides knives, i also got a salt and pepper mill set...i have found a coarse salt that i really like, and the peppercorns that came in the peppermill are about gone...ws offers black, white, red, and green ones, and since i am not familiar enough with any of the offered vsrieties, i got a container of their 5 pepper blend...

the big coup of this trip was a 1.5 quart cuisinart ice cream maker...it can be used for sorbet, frozen yogurt, mixed drinks, etc...and there was a rebate coupon to mail off for a second freezer bowl...woohoo...i cannot wait to begin experimenting...

so now, the freezer bowl is in the freezer, getting ready to make some chocolate ice cream with chocolate creme oreos and marshmallow creme swirledthroughout it...gotta work with what's on handtime for laundry...yippee.............

2003-07-04T09:08:00.000-05:00

it's july 4th...i totally missed out on july 1st, 2nd and 3rd...i suppose miss nola has had my attention otherwise occupied...i always think of my mom on these patriotic holiday, and how glad i am to not be living with her and kate smith, and george m cohen, and anyone else known for the patriotic standards...my mom loves them year round and she is just about the walking breathing definition of patriotic...lately, i have come to actually miss my folks...i am at a point in my life where i wish i lived near enough to visit...maybe 4 hours away rather than 34 or 44hours, however long it would take to drive to upstate ny...

as i was considering that it is already july, and mentioning this to the BG, she took the liberty of reminding me that in 2 months, i will be 39...how did that happen??? of course i corrected her...2 months and a week!!

39...thirty9...thirty-nine...it just seems so much older that i think i am...a decade at least...

i have flip-flopped again on going back to work...i am just not sure i want to return to the salon...i am currently considering barnes and noble or starbucks...something mindless...and i think i might consider it for another month or two...the BG rather likes having me home, so there is no issue there...i know i will need to work part time at least when the unemployment runs out...that will be sometime in september...maybe i should stay out of work til after my birthday...good ole 911...

2003-07-04T00:04:00.000-05:00

this is little miss nola, in her rhinestoned purple collar...now that i know placing a pic is this easy, watch out!!

2003-07-03T23:38:00.000-05:00

can someone send me instructions for posting a pic within a blog, pleasepleaseplease???

2003-07-02T09:49:00.000-05:00

maybe i should change the name of this to "the nola chronicles"...of course, i am sure after a spell, i will not be as chatty about her...she is just so damn cute...all 9 pounds of her...

i just realized that it is already july 2nd and i have little content ready for the july issue of Emerald Pillows...it has not been laziness this time, but time has just sailed past me...i have not even decided on which restaurant to review...perhaps cafe artiste...it is one of our stand-bys and we go there quite often...maybe i will go for lunch this afternoon and write it up while i am there...their buscuits are simply the best...and there seems to always be some lesbians in the house!! i think too, a feature about having a pet and the comfort somehow absent in a petfree existence...maybe make the july issue a lesbian's and their pets feature issue...hmm...

sawyer and nola have become best buds...they are both fixed and both humpers...how does that work? once they got past the shyness, which took less than a day, they fell into a morning rumble fest where they roll around together play biting eavh other...at one point, sawyer, 27 pounds, gets down on te floor laying, and nola, 9 pounds, wraps her paws around his head and starts humping his face...a regular girl daddy...it really is hilarious...sawyer can not really get a good grip on her because she is so small, but occasionally it is painfully obvious that he is trying...

everything i have read says mipins are not lap dogs, and she definitely is...i will have to ask the list i am on if this is common and maybe i will ask them about the humping too...that might spice things up a little...

2003-06-30T19:43:00.000-05:00

if you are in or near houston and you like fresh figs...we need to talk...drop me an email!!!

2003-06-30T19:08:00.000-05:00

as promised in the adoption contract, miss nola and i ventured to the vet this morning...she was so well behaved...when we inquired about adopting her, the assistant we spoke to was very reluctant...she stressed what a chewer nola is and told us some of her history...initially she was turned in as a stray, and then she was adopted and returned twice because she reportedly chews everything in sight except her chew toys...this last visit has had her at special pals since april, poor thing...we were also told that she gets very depressed and traumatixed being returned so the assistant added an adendum to the contract saying we would agree to training rather than returning her a third time...

while i can appreciate that it has been just 2 days and could be jinxing things to say so, nola has chewed nothing but rawhide and toys we have bought for her...she is in the right home i suppose...also she has a wildness rep, not wanting to settle down ever...well, if i am sitting anywhere, whether reading, watching tv, or online, she is curled up beside me or in my lap...a lap dog all the way...

the vet gave her a clean bill of health and clipped her toe nails, suggesting she return in 2 weeks for another clipping and every 2 weeks to train them back to where they should be...i said no problem, of course...i think maybe on thursday i might take her to three dog bakery on thursday night for yappy hour...i think she would like it well enough...

other than that, the weekend was so much more of the same...sigh...

2003-06-30T09:49:00.000-05:00

it hasn't even been two days, and you would think nola has been a part of the family forever...more later as we are off to the vet...

2003-06-28T23:29:00.000-05:00

the morning after the night before...

yesterday started for me at about 4 am...not because i had to get up early for anything in particular, but because i just could not sleep...i ended up getting just under 4 hours of sleep thursday night...i tried to take a nap during the day on friday because i knew we were meeting up with the BG's dad and his visiting friend to go see the gogirls' pride show and i know whenever we hang with papu, it always becomes an extended drinking/bs-ing marathon...

of course, the nap just did not happen, and we ended up not getting home until 5 am today...that's right...i was up about 25 hours...not done that in about 10 years maybe...while hanging with papu, the BG officially came out to him...he made a comment asking her to please never reconsider and end up back with her exhusband...i knew when he said that she would have to clarify...she asked him if she could tell him somethingand he said of course, anything...at around 2 am, she announced we are a couple...he said he knew, or at least thought so, but really thinks it none of his business...so it was well enough received...

anyway, we got home after 5 am and went right on to bed...at about 1030 this morning, the doorbell rang...i went to answer it as i was the only one to hear it...i should have just rolled over and kept sleeping like everyone else...i opened the door to two omen and a young girl with clipboards...i was a sight...braless in a white tank with my hair all spikey and clearly just out of bed...i gave the women the mother's cold stare...said we are not interested before they could utter a word and then slammed the door...

i went back to bed, but since it seems another stretch of insomnia is visiting, i had already had 5 hours, more than enough...

i was stroking the BG's semi conscious ass, and she muttered something about going to get some kolaches...we got up and put some clothes on and i told her i would drive...i decided which kolache place, and that we should also go by starbucks for some chai tea...plan was well received...i announced too, that i wanted to swing by CAP to see if my new pup might be waiting...

they had one who was a potential, but not the i-have-to-get-her-now variety...she was more the see-if-she-is-still-here-next-time variety...the BG then suggested we go out to special pals to see who was waiting there...

while there i saw 2 of the i-have-to-get-her-now variety...one was actually a boy chihuahua named conan and he was just diagnosed with heartworm so is not available for at least 8 weeks...he was about 5 lbs and adorable...

while i was getting the info on conan, the BG had taken enola, a minpin and my second choice for a stroll with her son...i went out to join them to explain the deal about conan, and as i approached, enola jumped right up into my arms...i was standing and she is petite, so needless to say i was impressed...here i was holding this little 10 pound bundle...i knew immediately she was a keeper...she is an all red miniature pinscher...she has a new purple rhinestone studded collar, as well as all the new dog gear that is necessary...spoied rotten before she hit the door...about a year and a half old and i think pretty well house trained...all around good dog...

i took a bunch of pics which i will get developed tomorrow and if i can figre out how, i will post some...she is so cute...of course, while we were at petsmart, i got her a cute little pink heart engraved name tag to hang from her purple collar...i decided we would drop the e and she will be just nola...she is so liking it here!!

and now, i am thinking it time for bed...or maybe some ring surfing...

2003-06-27T08:58:00.000-05:00

so it is raining this morning here in houston, and i had planned to go to the beach...however looking at the doppler weather map, galveston is clear and any clouds should be moving away, north east with the wind, right???

i really hate making this kind of decision as it is just about an hour drive...

go...don't go...go...don't go...

2003-06-27T05:01:00.000-05:00

what the hell am i doing awake at 4:45 in the morning when i did not go to sleep til shortly after midnight...i suppose i can hope it is an anomaly, and not a new bout of insomnia...in part, i had to pee, but i usually go right back to sleep after that...in part i was physically hungry...not sure what that is about...and also, in part, i was laying in bed since 4 am watching the BG sleep...envious of her soft gentle snoring because she is off in lala land...

one thing i was contemplating was the mixture of envy and pride i feel right now for cubicle girl...she is a blogger i was directed to from a reccomendation on beth's blog...i have been reading her religiously for about the last 6 months, maybe longer...time is so easily lost and gained in the blogging and online world...

anyway...cubicle girl has a book deal and the book, from what i gather reading her blog, is a sort of year in the life chronicle of modified blog entries...it is something many of us on dykewrite aspire too, secretly, or not...that is the envy part...her post yesterday related the information that her book, which i think is due out this fall, will be on the new release table at barnes and noble...that is the pride part...just knowing that a lesbian is going to get that mainstream exposure...

go give her a read...or better, remember to seek out her book...i know it is available at amazin as a preorder, and you will have to search out the info on her blog if you want to do that...for me, this is a book i want to distinctly buy, face to face at b and n, paying full price...i will savor the pleasure...

2003-06-26T23:16:00.000-05:00

after a day of frightened from thunder dog, and enough rain in an hour or so to create the front yard pond, i decided tonight to go relax at barnes and noble for a while with a few magazines...i picked up about 8 for browsing, and of those wanted to buy 4...since i also found 2 books on bargain racks that i wanted i reasoned the magazines down to two...

the books and mags i had to have:

The Buddha from Brooklyn by Martha Sherrill
Girls Like Us: 40 Extraordinary Women Celebrate Girlhood on Story, Poetry and Song
Shambhala Sun July issue
Poets & Writers Magazine July/August issue

i am thinking i might take the BG to work and go to galveston straight from there...unless of course, it is another stormy day...i do not care so much if it is sunny or cloudy, but if it seems reasonably dry, i am going...and i will bring my haul of new reading materials, as well as the book i am halfway through, Learning to Float by Lili Wright...

i have been fortunate enough lately that most of what i am reading seems like i am supposed to be reading it, sort of as a tool for writing...i suppose in that vein, i am working on writing more than i give myself credit for...

time for some zzzzzzzzzz...

2003-06-26T15:23:00.000-05:00

so it crept up to 97 degrees over the course of the morning...then around 2 oclock, it got pretty dark as i was reading a magazine...enough so that i had to turn a light on...then whammo...in no time flat the dog was up on the bed next to me, not letting me out of his sight over the next hour or so...crashing thunder and pouring rain...it has let up now and it seems once again normal daylight...81 degrees...and the front and back yards are flooded and suitable for kayaking...yippee...

no need to water this evening...

2003-06-26T10:49:00.000-05:00

i will be so glad when blogger is done with al the changeover crap...last night i had a terrific post in mind and when i logged in all was fine...then i clicked on the blog to open the post window and i got a pop up request for my username and password which it had just accepted, but then would not accept and kept defaulting to the password request screen...it was very annoying...

i went to the first of the free yoga classes offered over the month long break...they are wednesday night at 7 pm...i usually go on tuesday and thursday mornings, and at the most there have been 10 people in class...usually about 6...it was very surreal last night to be sitting in there like a sardine amongst about 100 other sardines...

other than that, i am seeking direction...i am midway through my 6 months of allotted unemployment, and as much as i truly love being a housewife, it is not realistic once the unemployment expires...i have been using this time to write and then write some more, but i do not have a cohesive strategy for that and i want a plan...

the more i feel ready for direction and part time back in the salon, the more i question if i want to go back to the salon at all...

other than the salon, i think barnnes and noble a good option as insurance is offered at 20 hours and i could do 20 hours in 3 days a week...

i am just not sure...i always defer decisions to the BG for the most part, and these are some i really have to make for myself...i wish i could seclude myself somewhere for a month...

who has a room?

2003-06-25T15:22:00.000-05:00

warning!!!warning!!!warning...

ben & jerry's makin'whoopie pie ice cream is simply evil...perhaps it was just the innocence of the first time with a new partner...ummm...i mean flavor...chocolate ice cream with marshmallow creme and devil's food cookies...

i was having a taste this morning and i have been so disciplined lately with ice cream...really have...had it under control...chunky monkey is no an issue...triple caramel crunch is not an issue...hagen daas dulce de leche is not an issue...even blue bell birthday cake is not an issue...

this makin whoopie pie...is...an...issue...

the pint has just disappeared...

in other news...had my yearly pap this morning...what joy of joys...put on this paper gown, open in the front...then use this paper drape over your lap...if someone would clue in the paper gown makers that some women have a more um...ample bosom than others, perhaps the paper drape would not be necessary...everything presented fine and the doc said i do not get to have a mammo this year...like i am wah-ing about that...i then told her about the gogirls pride show on friday night and maybe she will show up...

not much else is going on today...something feels like it might be brewing on the horizon...

2003-06-24T11:17:00.000-05:00

i was going to post this morning about my general discontent at not producing enough writing during this time of unemployment...not making best use of my time...how many reportcards was that written on over the years...i bet my mom has them all and i could ask her to look it up and tabulate the results...

of course i am writing some...just not what i feel is enough, or rather enough with focused intent...of course, this morning, when i was distracted by er reruns on the tv that does not need to be on, i was sucked right in...

the first episode of the morning was the hawaii recap ending in mark greene's funeral...the episode was well done, and beautifully illustrated a man near death facing it and all his fears about not having done enough for his children...see a pattern emerging?

last weekend i was talking with my dad...he relayed a story about one of his friends who can no longer drive...they live in upstate, ny, aka the middle of nowhere...while it is somewhat more than a wilderness existence, it is rather remote, and if you cannot drive, it is difficult at best...he was telling me that his friend and his friend's wife decided on an assisted living facility in nj near other family of theirs...then he said he did not know what he would do once he can no longer drive...he is 77...he already, by his choice, does not drive at night...he is not in the best health, and now it is heavily on my mind as well...

my mom has spent most of the past year at her sisters in nj...my aunt has emphysema, and this past year has had a lung transplant and a second major followup surgery to repair something on the transplanted lung...in addition to that, her husband has lymphoma...a year ago it was diagnosed as a lesser, more treatable form, and he was recently rediagnosed with the more serious, less treatable form...i can appreciate her need to be there doing whatever she can to help...without her there, 24 hour nursing care would be necessary for assisting with wound checks and necessary injections...she also is the main driver now, and at 71, that is a source of concern...

it is plain to see that my parents are immeasurably happier apart that together...they are each sort of doing their own thing, and where i am sure there is a measure of concern from one for the other, they are happier apart...i am not sure how to or if i should encourage this as a solution, and it could be that they do not recognize that there is a problem...i decided a while back that they are in their 70s and capable of making their own decisions...also, that i would not offer unsolicited advice...

that said, it still begs the question, what to do?

2003-06-22T20:41:00.000-05:00

are you an alias fan???

i am currently watching a rerun of the episode where sydney's mother is sentenced to death...also on this episode, sloane is seeing his dead wife, whom he has also seen in previous episodes since her death...they have it looking like he is having guilt/stress reactions to having killed her, like he really did kill her...in later episodes of the season, we are informed shown that she is alive...that he elaborately faked her death...but as i am re-seeing these seens of his guilt/stress attacks, it is clear to me that her death being faked was decided after these particular episodes of delusion were filmed...do tptb at alias think we are a less than sophisticated audience?

what kinda crap is this??

2003-06-19T22:08:00.000-05:00

i just had the most decadent ice cream for dessert...raspberry chiffon...is that not the gayest ice cream flavor???

we have a place here in houston called the chocolate bar and it is gay owned, so we love to go there...on the way out to dinner, we stopped in to the chocolate bar to get the BG's son a pint of their in house made, fresh from scratch with fresh ingredients ice cream...he favors the chocolate triple decadence i think...they also have an array of hand dipped chocolate things, so i had a milk chocolate double dipped double stuff oreo cookie...i just have to have one when i go there, and one is more than enough so i usually share it with the BG...

while the counter person was packing the pint of ice cream, i noticed the raspberry chiffon and asked for a sample...o...mi...god...it is a white chocolate ice cream with flakes of white chocolate and fresh raspberries all blended together into a creamy dream...

we took the ice cream to the BG's son, much to his delight, then we went to berryhill baja grill for tamales...they were also very good...the queso there was excellent too, but if you ever go, please heed my warning and take a pass on the mint lemonade...maybe it is just me and i just do not care for mint, but it was nasty enough, imo, to go get a fresh cup and drink coke...

the entire time we were sitting at berryhill eating, i was thinking about that ice cream...i knew that if we did not have it for dessert, that i would be dreaming of it and likely having it tomorrow for lunch...i also knew that i was full from my tamales...so i suggested we go browse at borders and have a cup of tea...

we did this and were amazed at how busy they seemed...

we went to the chocolate bar right before closing and there was a crowd there...there was just a review in the houston chronicle so i imagine there already good business is vaulting skyward...we waited in line patiently and got our respective ice creams...it was delightful...delectable...tres yummm...i might still have it for lunch tomorrow...

2003-06-17T14:54:00.000-05:00

why am i having this same conversation repeatedly with the (usually) boys in the taco bell drive-thru?

boy: blahx3 can i take your order?
me: i'd like just a bean burrito, please, no red sauce...
boy: a bean burrito no red sause? would you like a drink with that?
me: um, no...JUST a bean burrito...no red sauce...
boy: would you like any hot, mild, or fire sauce with that?
me: ummm..........is it RED?
Boy: ...oh...

2003-06-15T22:01:00.000-05:00

woohoo...my dad can certainly be chatty...i called him this evening to tell him happy father's day and to see how he has been doing...an hour and a half later he was still going strong...my phone beeped to let me know my battery was on its last leg, so he said, "oh, i guess you should go then..."...it really was no problem that we were on for such a long time, but it cracks me up that he has so much to say...i really wish i could get to see him more often...i would go once a month if i could, or every few months, whatever...

it is so weird for me to call home and not speak to both my parents...most of the last year or so, my mom has been staying with her sister because of her health, and now my uncle is sick, too, and i am sure they cannot do without her...also, i know my parents are both happier apart, after 40+ years, you would think that they could just come out and say that, and make it so on a permanent basis...

my mom is 71 now and my dad 75, and i am 38 for crying out loud...it's not like their baby cannot take the news...i suppose the current arrangement is a good one for them...nothing has to happen to make it official, as long as my mom has to help out at my aunt's...of course, then my dad started telling me about his friend who just moved to nj to an assisted living facility...he has parkinson's i think and can no longer drive...his wife is just too afraid to drive in the winter, and on the icy roads up there i cannot say i blame her...it got my dad to wondering, out loud in conversation with me, what will happen when he cannot drive, and that it is not really far off...

what will happen???

2003-06-13T22:48:00.000-05:00

i made a decision today...i have been feeling this past week or so like i have had a little too much free time to wander aimlessly between the sheets like the slug that i wanna be...i decided that i need just a little more direction...yoga has been a good thing, in part because it gets my ass out of the house...i have that on tuesday and thursday, and saturday if i feel like it...

i decided today that i will be returning to jc penney part time mid july...my old boss has 15 hours available for me then, and i can work basically whenever i want to...i chose wednesday and friday from 11-7...that gets me there and home around any chaotic traffic times...the penneys i worked in most recently is about 5 minutes or less from the house, but it closed in march 2001, which is when i separated from jcp...the mgr i worked for was transferred to a store about 25 minutes away, and really, i do not ever want to work in a salon again for anyone else...she is both fair and tolerant...and she likes me enough that i am in her confidence...i like that in a boss...so she will take me back part time and as my productivity proves itself, i can add more hours or days (if i *want* to)...

i need to see for sure, but i think since it is part time, i will still receive some unemployment compensation...not really sure how that will affect it...best part of it is i will be working beside paul again...yippee...and if i can manage to really bulk the hours i am there and jack my productivity, i will be able to afford to stay part time and take the other days to continue writing...

2003-06-13T09:47:00.000-05:00

and exhale...

i just sent an email to my ex-boss requesting the followup for rolling over my profit sharing $$ from when he fired me...hopefully i did not wait too long to address this...the amount was only about 151 bucks as i was there 2 years, and eligible one year which grossed me 757 but i was only 20% vested...so if my non-finance oriented brain is following i should get a check for about 151...i went to see the investment guy at my bank and explained the situation to him...he said i could open the account to avoid penalties which are about 40% and i would have to contribute $50 a month until i had a balance of $500 and then i could contribute up to $3000 a year...

i really do follow along, and i explained to him that since i did not contribute anything, this was found money so the penalties did not really matter...i decided to do the responsible thing and open the ira because i am not getting any younger, and to date have no savings whatsoever...even on unemployment, i can manage $50 a month and i think i will keep at that amount and increase it if i can...in the past when i have tried to save money for something, i have always taken whatever was left from the previous payday and added that amount to my deposit, so i might do that again...alternately i can take the leftover and slap it onto a credit card payment...perhaps i will alternate between the two...

i think i will also add to the ira anything i receive for my birthday or christmas from my folks...how grown up is that?

2003-06-12T21:10:00.000-05:00

the BG and i just got baqck from a 90 minute travel member/agent organization...for our time we received a trip to las vegas, which will be handy when my friend trisha picks her date as she has planned to marry there...if she does not pick a date in the next year, we will just have to go anyway...it was rather painless and not a high pressure sales pitch...there were 14 couplesthere and toward the end of the presentation, one woman was sitting there clipping her nails...clip...clip...clip...i could not believe it...i could see perhaps filing, which would still be rude, but less intrusive...clip...clip...clip...it was just bizarre...

2003-06-11T09:56:00.000-05:00

i don'tknow that i care too much for the blogger redesign...the view blog does not open up a new window and it is a new bunch of crap to get used to...things change, i know, but sometimes i like them to stay the same...

2003-06-11T09:47:00.000-05:00

there is some serious nesting going on around here...the last week or so i have bought more and more plants for the yard...prettying things up...i actually was wrist deep in soil yesterday and it was a frightening thing...that on top of the desire to clean and purge the garage of all things...i am not sure where it is all coming from but it is a pleasant sort of settling in...or maybe resettling or settling deeper...we also ripped up some old astro turf tat is on a step out front...that set scurrying a mass of salamanders and slugs and turned up a few thumbnail sized frogs...nastyness those slugs were, nothing less...

we have lived in this house a year now and there is ongoing remodeling...we are doing it ourselves, and in all honesty, the BG is doing 98% of it...i am on hand for the occasional assist...the front room, library space, is pretty much done, but that is about the only room as near done...the kitchen area is waiting for a stove, so it is fairly fuunctional...amazing what you can cook on a grill with a side burner...i am only not able to bake, so the kitchen is near enough done...

the main bathroom is done, but for the tub which was removed in favor of a shower only...the base of the shower is in, but we have to still get the walls, so it is also near done...the master bedroom is awaiting us to make a decision on whether or not to keep the toilet and shower...i think the current theory is that the shower is staying and being redone, after the other one is completed of course, and the toilet is going...the basically finished other bedrooms are in a stasis sort of mode...all secondary to anything else i think...

once everything else is done, half the garage is going to be converted to another room, this is in part why i want to begin cleaning and purging it now...most of the purge stuff just has to be taken to the BG's ex...he won't like it, but we won't be storing it forever, especially if we are only going to have one bay of garage...i think that half will become glorified storage...more a shed than a functional garage...

homey...yes...getting settled in...

2003-06-09T22:58:00.000-05:00

just in from dinner out with some ex coworkers of mine(and still coworkers of the BG)...poor thing...she was so not looking forward to it...the printers used for the magazines that are done came to town to schmooze...we went to brenner's steakhouse...it was a delicious dinner...i had an amaretto and oj in the bar as we got there a bit before everyone else...that set the stage nicely...a few appetizers were ordered for all to share, spinach artichoke fondue, crab cake, and a grilled portabello...i think we all agreed that everyone could have their own crabcake next time...i followed this with the best lobster bisque i have ever had...it was creamy and had such a delicate texture, then a dollop of some brandy whipped cream was added...it was sinful and heavenly at the same time...

next up was a 10 oz filet which was ok and might have been outstanding had i not eaten just 2 days ago at rith's chris steakhouse and had a 6 oz, 200% better filet...i am not saying it was bad, and i am not a big beef eater, so maybe i already had my quota for the season...as a side item i chose au gratin potatoes which were not bad either...someone made the comment about brenner's being so much better than taste of texas...now at this point i was ready to verbally disagree, but since it was the boss' wife, i just slently nodded in agreement...

i responsibly passed on dessert, but they had a selection of dessert drinks and i waffled back and forth over a few of them, finally choosing "after midnight" which is chambord, frangelico and cream...there were little slivers of ice in it too so it was given a blender whip...this is the most heavenly drink and i...want...more...i could have drank 3 or 4 of them, and i am sure we will be going back for dessert and drinks soon...maybe an anniversary treat...

so the evening wore on and was 3 hours or just over, and really was not too bad...we definitely sat at the right end of the table...it would be so nice to have another martini glass filled with after midnight...right now...sip...sipp...

2003-06-05T22:50:00.000-05:00

just got back from "lock up your sons and daughters"...it is a compilation of anti-gay educational films and documentaries about the gay agenda etc...there were ed films from the 60s through stuff from the early 90s...it showed here as part of the glbt film festival and was pretty entertaining...we saw it at a local microcinema called the aurora picture show...it is a house that has been gutted and fitted with a screen and projection equipment and church pews for seating..very alternative artsy/edge...has been around 5 years now and we picked up their program so we will be going back for more viewings of stuff...

one of the clips we saw was anti disney going on about gay days and how immoral some of the post walt era movies are...the lion king was the big offender, lots of animal ass shots, too many in their opinion, they being whoever made the clip...also they went on about how simba's uncle was such a queen and inappropriate with his nephew...and more ass stuff, and timon's drag hula...someone or several someones have way too much time on their hands...also criticized was the boobs in little mermaid, and they hilited a scene in the end there the mermaid was getting married on ship and the priest had a boner...and also all the homo references of beauty and the beast...it will be quite entertaining to watch these movies again...

it ended with a mockumentary called the heterosexual agenda which was pretty funny...

all in all quite entertaining...

2003-06-05T09:29:00.000-05:00

thursday morning...it's the 5th already...review...not done...pride essay...not done...i am just unmotivated...went to cafe artiste last night and had a nice cheapy dinner...then we went to the women's happy hour at meteor...we had a good time...the BG and i somehow crossed another notch in intimacy while we were sitting there and it was just so...nice...just one of those nauseatingly intimate warm fuzzy moments...we also chatted a bit more than normal with mimi and got to know her a little better...it has taken me a couple of years to warm up to her, but i have to say now, i like her...

i also picked up the official houston pride magazine last night...what a disappointment it is...it is, of course, full of commemorative 25th pride info and articles, but there is so little actual houston info it seems misleading to call it the official magazine of the pride committee of houston...the houston content is about a quarter of the actual 308 page magazine, and it is very fluffed...disappointing and as always, boy heavy...i am thinking my pride essay might end up taking on a slightly sarcastic or cynical edge...

2003-06-03T08:51:00.000-05:00

i am feeling another productive day dawning...830 in the morning and i have already taken the BG to work and showered...yoga is after that, and then i am heading over to visit with paul...of course, that could be where my productivity takes a nose dive as i am easily corrupted by him...he has not been feeling his best lately so i just want to check in and see for myself how he is doing...i am sure he will meet me at the door, martini in hand...maybe i can get him out for some lunch, even if just close to home...if not, i think i might just pick up a tamale and some basic groceries, you know...sour cream and onion pringles, chocolate creme oreos, yoplait peaches and cream whips, and a pepsi...that covers all the basic food groups right? salty, sweet, creamy, and caffeinated?

if paul does not lead me far astray, i will go to the bank, which i might do on my way to his place, just to be on the safe side...i think i will open a seperate ep checking account and i also need to find out about maybe setting up a roth ira...i have profit sharing $$ from my last job i need to get rolled over...if it is not enough to open, maybe i will just take the penalty to have the extra cash...since i did not contribute toward the gain, it is not really a loss, though it still hurts to see a few hundred bucks slip away...

2003-06-02T22:37:00.000-05:00

monday night...just back from a light snack/dinner at the new Hollywood vietnamese restaurant...gay owned little complex also including a real estate office, hair salon, and bokstore/cafe...i have gone there a few times in the last week to get a feel for the space and ti see if i can review it for the pride issue of emerald pillows...i am still not convinced i can, but i am at least ready to put forth the effort...

not much else going on today...we planted the cannas yesterday and the impatiens and caladiums today...a little tweak here and there...hopefully it will rain soon to help them establish themselves, or i will just need to remember to water...

back to work i go...

2003-05-30T14:30:00.000-05:00

a day to accomplish miscallaneous shit...

yesterday, we had our first 100 degree day of the season and i was liking it so well...nothing motivates me more than the heat of the sun...of course there are times when i overdo it and it wears me down and tires me out, but in general, it is very energizing to me...today has hit 99, and likely 100 somewhere in houston...i got up this morning and took the BG to work so i could use her car...i had heard of a little coffeehouse near her work with lunchtime live music and i wanted to take her there...

i got home from dropping her off and did the pussy to the sun ritual again...it was equally refreshing and recharging and i enjoyed it immensely...heat of the morning sun burning directly into my molten center...it was truely delightful...

then i came in and cooled off a little before jumping into the shower to get ready for my babygrrl...i then zipped over to get her and we went to the elix coffeehouse to listen to what was advertised as 'latin beats and jazz standards'...hah...while it was somewhat enjoyable for its offbeat quirkiness...they played nothing but twangy contry crrrrrrap...to their credit, 'double coyote' was one member short which might have affected what they were playing, and i did hear them discussing requests with other patrons...i will have to check them out again sometime as they have a standind friday lunch gig...

i then dropped the BG off and something told me that it was time to update my driver's license...it's only been a year since we moved...this is hopefully the last place i will reside for some time...it was just time...also, i had my social security card from when i was 18, or thereabouts, so i also switched it to my maiden name finally...i was expecting that to be a huge ordeal, but it was not at all, and only 10 bucks...also, i registyered to vote...huh...only been here 5 years...already missed a few elections...the last time i registered to vote was in ny when i was 18 and could vote for my father when he ran for town justice...

if all that was not enough, i also stopped at walmart...i have not been in one for about 4 years...i swore them off when i discovered target...actually maybe even before i discovered target...i simply hate walmart...it is a consistant variety of skank that i cannot tolerate...i was prompted to go back because we wanted to get two simple web lawn chairs...the only thing close i had found was about 30 bucks at target and they were just a little more extravagant than what i wanted...i wanted cheap-don't-care-if-they-make-it-more-than-a-season chairs for the beach...walmart had them for 7.99 and thay are even roomy enough for thick grrl hips...i also went to the garden area and bought 4 plants for 4.97 each...one hanging and one shade...the rest floral for full sun...i will let the BG direct their transplanting and even do the work if she wants...

i was going to stop and browse some pooches, but i decided it would be more prudent to get my car back on the road and legal first...if the pooch crosses my path we will make it work out, but i thought sensibly and it can wait...

2003-05-29T08:06:00.000-05:00

something is different this morning...i am not yet sure exactly what that something is as it is still rather early...i actually just had the feeling moments ago...maybe i will get my features done today...that would certainly be a perk...i am going to yoga, then to a new gay owned place for lunch which i will review if i like it well enough...it is a chinese/vietnamese restaurant which has been open a month or so...after i eat i am going to stroll to the other end of the complex which is the new gay bookstore/cafe and sit and write til it is time to pick up the BG...if the writing is just not happening, i will check in at one of the shelters to see if my pooch is there waiting to meet me...

tonight we are going to an open house that one of the printers the BG uses is having...that will be brief, followed by dinner somewhere, and then maybe a stop to hear a lesbian acoustic guitarist/singer at the vintage bar...full day, though nothing rushed about it...just how all my days should be...

2003-05-28T11:06:00.000-05:00

i just finished my morning hour of sun therapy...the way the back yard is, i can get the morning sun, facing it, and i was reminded this morning how lovely it is to have the sun on my exposed pussy...i wore a pair of soft cotton shorts that are very baggy and let the leg sag down offering my pussy to the sun...it was very nice...

the first time i experienced this sensation, i was on vacation in upstate ny, where my folks live...when i visit there, i stay at the whiteface chalet because my mom is good friends with the owner and she ives me an excellent rate...it is a nice complex though the mattresses suck...we stay in room 21 and that is on the upper floor, which has a nice dech which runs around the building...after being at the pool for a few hours one day, i had showered and put on a tank style dress...i saw that there was still afternoon sun on the deck side so i went out with my book to sit in the sun while it lasted and read...i pulled the chair closer to the rail and put my feet up so i could recline by tipping the chair back...in doing this, my dress sagged down and my pussy was getting full sun...no-one was there at the time, but anyone passing by would not have seen anything risque...it felt deleriously good and my book was soon forgotten...

i started thinking instead of the night before when i had consumed many margaritas at casa and then seduced my bestest friend in my attempt to confirm that i was indeed a lesbian...soon enough i was ready to let the sun's rays fuck my heated up pussy, if only it could have...instead, i settled for calling my friend in from the pool to give her more...umm...i mean to reconfirm my lesbian-ness while sober...yes, i was, am, will be forever more, a "dyke bitch carpet muncher" (to quote my wasband)...

so, anyway...i have been thinking a lot about the past nine years and what pride means to me...i really want to write it up for the pride issue of EP, but i am not sure the words for it are there...i will come up with something, but where do i start...maybe i should not allow myself general hospital until i get it written...hah...i will go and just begin writing...something will come of it...it always does...

2003-05-26T21:36:00.000-05:00

i just finished the book "good in bed" by jennifer weiner and i have linked her blog as a daily read...the book has been sitting on my to read shelf for a couple of months now and i picked it up on saturday afternoon...i have pretty much read straight through...i feel this book is a must read for all thick girls...there is just something appealing about it and i was doubly delighted that Cannie's mom is a learned-late-in-life lesbian...that was a perk...the whole way through i imagined the actress from the nbc series 'less than perfect' which costars eric roberts and miss parker from 'the pretender' series...i thoroughly enjoyed this book...

also today, the BG and i went to get some lunch at empire cafe where i had the most incredible pecan crusted flattened chicken breast...it was accompanied by some grilled vegetables and mashed potatoes with an equally delightful sauce...while eating we decided to go sww a movie, 'dancing upstairs' which was something i cannot quite describe...it was very good...i really liked it...it was a movie i had to pay attention to and will likely see again on video at some point...

we had an hour or so to kill between movie and lunch so we went to borders for some magazine reading where i checked out rossi's column called 'eat me' in bust magazine...rossi is linked to the left...

i decided this evening that i am going to redouble my efforts to write productively each day...i think this will best be acheived if i do it first thing in the morning so we shall see where it goes...i have a to-write-about list so it is not like i will be stuck fr a topic...

2003-05-25T11:18:00.000-05:00

so i have this dog thing going on right now...one of the things we did while out yesterday afternoon was go by the spca to see what they had available for small dogs...the smallest was bigger than what i want...i want small...less than 10 pounds...well, maybe 15 lb maximum...i want a lap dog that will not crush my chest when s/he curls up with me...i also think sawyer will not have issues with a dog smaller than him...hopefully...i told the BG that i will just know when the right dog crosses my path...

i am going to check another shelter i know of tomorrow...

2003-05-25T11:15:00.000-05:00

what an odd day it was yesterday...the BG and i were both brought to the front yard when we heard raucous barking two houses down...we do not know any of our neighbors...well, from living here off and on for most of the past 30 years, the BG knows some of the neighbors, but *we* do not know any of them personally, not even the dyke next door...

the barking was two loose rotweilers on the front lawn 2 doors down, not letting the mailman deliver the mail...i think he just opted to skip it no problem, but i thought it was odd as i had never seen these dogs before, and the BG, who walks her dog daily, had also never seen them...she said that they looked like they had their hind quarters shaved...

once the barking subsided, we stood looking at the dogs a few moments more...one had retreated to the shade of the front porch and the other was rolling on his back in the grass appearing happily silly...i could see then that what seemed shaved, was actually rubbed blood raw, likely from fleas...the dog looked otherwise totally healthy...also, the dogs were behaving like they lived there...

we went out during the afternoon for some lunch, and when we arrived home, there was a squad car sitting in the road, with the officers inside watching the dogs, still roolling on the grass...we again watched for a mooment or two and went inside...that was around 5 oclock i think and we then thought nothing of it...

around 9 pm we decided to go to the gogirls show and when we wnt outside there were no dogs, nor was there a squad car...night had recently fallen and it was just a sense of normalcy returning...when we left the house, we went around the corner that was near the yard the dogs had been in which is not a way we normally leave the neighborhood...i am not sure what made the BG drive this way and it was not something we discussed...as she rounded the corner i saw the two dogs lying in the ditch...she stopped and backed around to confirm that i was not seeing things and honked the horn...no reaction...we went on our way discussing if we should do anything...i mentioned that we should not get out to see further as they could be injured and still alive, perhaps hostile...we were solemnly quiet for a while as we drove to the show, but did not really discuss it further...

on the way home we drove by the corner once again, hopng that the dogs had woken up and gone home...they were still lying there...unmoved...still...

we went inside and i dug out the phone book...i called the non emergency police number...told the dispatcher i only called her because a squad car had been out there watching them earlier in the day and told her where they were...she took my name and number but i do not expect to hear anything else from the police...

this morning the BG walked her dog around the block tha way and confirmed that they are gone...a blip on the screen that we will have to wonder about...

2003-05-21T08:47:00.000-05:00

i went to my meeting yesterday and it was just an orientation...45 minutes and i was out of there in time to make my 930 yoga class...i thought i was going to have to go in the evening or miss it altogether...the meeting was a general overview of the services available and then i was assigned a counselor who i need to make an appointment with...i have decided it could be a good thing as they might help me get on at baylor...they have clerical positions starting at 22k which is more than i will make doing hair again and also likely be better benefits...

i wish i was more sure about what i wanted to do...part of me says get the $$ and keep the lifestyle of eileen fisher clothes, eating out etc...the other part says sacrifice the $$ and alter the lifestyle...i am pretty 50/50 on this...of course the free time affords the ability to take classes, but not the $$ and the opposite is just as true...i have a hard time projecting finances further ahead than a month or so, but i think if unemployment holds, i will be able to pay off my remeining debt in the next 6 months...if i manage that, i can work part time which is the best plan...i need to find out what the cobra payment is to continue my insurance past september because that might be the way to go...

2003-05-19T18:16:00.000-05:00

well tomorrow is the day i get to meet with my unemployment counselor for assesment...i whipped up a thoroughly unappealing resume and i have decided the best tact is to just play dumb...i am not bringing anything more than what is requested and i am not volunteering any information...i think i am going dressed for yoga, but i am not sure about that yet...certainly not playing dress up...my meeting time is 815 and yoga is at 930, so i am hoping i can make yoga...if not i will have to go tuesday night...

if all that is done in some timely fashion, i will go distribute some more copies of the may issue of emerald pillows...i also need to mail out the ones i mail which i should have done already...such a slacker...

2003-05-17T21:24:00.000-05:00

the BG got a carpenter's cd today...greatest hits or some such thing...i hope it is a phase that passes quickly...please, somebody tell me it is just a phase...

2003-05-16T10:35:00.000-05:00

finally...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
for the first time in nearly three months...the scale has budged and i have lost another pound...and finally, though i have stopped going to weight watcher meetings, i am at a 10% loss...29 lbs down...time now to seriously begin the next 10%...i have gotten out my week one materials and will begin again as if new...i will be disciplined...i will be a point nazi...i have not seen the delay as a bad thing because i did not gain any weight back...i maintained the loss consistently and i sorta viewed it as my body adjusting to being 28 lbs less...

i was a little discouraged that yoga did not do anything to encourage more pounds off, but then i tried on a pair of shorts that i had been unable to wear...they fit comfortaly..the yoga is shifting things...everything is fitting better so it is indeed doing something...most importantly, the yoga is shifting my calm to an even more calm place...balance...

2003-05-15T09:07:00.000-05:00

today's chore might be to go get a dba...if i can confirm that i need to get it where i think i do, i will go get one...if not, i will make effort to confirm where i need to get one...i am pretty sure i got my last one out at the court house...i just cannot remember for certain...it was more than two years ago...too bad i cannot just get it online...

the other thing i really need to do with some urgency is get my car reistered in tx...yes, i have avoided this for 5 years now...the car is actually in my wasband's name so he has chosen to keep it registered in va, which has really been the best solution because it has been the cheapest...this year he finally sent me a poa to get it registered here...of course by finally i mean i just got it this month...the tags expired in february so i have been driving it around since then with my fingers crossed...i need to get it inspected, which will be about 50 bucks i think, and then i need to transfer the tags which i think is 60 if not 70...might have to transfer my insurance too...was alot better paying 26 bucks to renew the va tags and not need inspection...al this needs to be done on my unemployment funds, but after bills are paid...yippee...

2003-05-14T11:22:00.000-05:00

here it is the 14th of may and i am not mired deep in depression...this is a good thing, of course...there is a general sense of avoidance...perhaps a mild depression...not avoidance of the miscarriage issue, but avoidance of stuff in general...lacadaisical (sp?) attitude toward getting through the day...i have been doing a lot of writing so i cannot say i am doing nothing, but i really need to be doing more...

each day i have decided what i will accomplish the following day...sort of a reflection after the general disgust at not having accomplished anything settles in...i recognize it, then decide that tomorrow will be different...of course tomorrow comes and it is just more of the same...with the exception of yoga, i am not getting out to do much of anything...of course, this is delineated by having close to no extra money...now that i pause a second to reflect, i see i am getting things done, just not being as efficient as i would like in keeping up the house work...laundry has been kept up, miraculously...however, there is a 3rd day pile on the couch waiting to be folded...the floors are in desperate need of sweeping...i can get it all presentable in roughly an hour or so today...make that i will get it done...the BG is out working hard and not insisting that i do the same...it is the least i can do...i will...do...it...

2003-05-13T08:47:00.000-05:00

so...i got a notice yesterday from unemployment...next tuesday i am qualified to receive personal one on one counseling and assistance at their office...ummmm, qualified in this case means required...have to be their with my resume at 815 am...of course this means i have to whip up a resume...i might even be placed for training/retraining assistance...yippee...

2003-05-12T10:43:00.000-05:00

sunday was such a lazy day...did a couple of hair cuts then went to lunch...came home and read and did laundry...today will be a lazy day as well...nothing on the agenda, but i will do some housewife-type chores...general cleaning stuff...normally it would be a frenzy of activity leading up to 8pm wen Alias comes on, but last sunday was the season finale, so sundays are now relegated to the realm of slugdom until the new season begins again...

also, i will get the rest of my files ready for the BG to do her thing for the May issue of EP...i have just a few small things to write up and my editor's log...

i suppose i could organize the files of writing i have transferred from the desktop to my laptop...they are sitting in my email at the moment...i am just not sure how i want to organize them or what is the best way...maybe just a folder of poetry, a folder of memoir, and a folder of fiction...that would be a start at least...

2003-05-11T02:03:00.000-05:00

another lovely day together with the BG...as i write this, wide awake well after 1am, she is sleeping across the room, sated...her breath gently sighing in the rhythm of deep sleep that invades after...

we went this afternoon to the art car parade and walked around the staging area looking at the various works of art...there were 250 entries this year and not very many that were all that interesting...only a few were worth a second glance...beth's van was entered and that was the only one of the BG's creations that was this year...i think she will begin work on her crv soon and it will be entered next year...while we were there we saw her nephew gregand also our friend penny...it has been a while since we have seen her and we need to get together soon...of course we said that, we will make some plans for it, and then something will come up to push it off...it is just the way with her...sooner or later, usually later, we catch up...we did not stay for the actual parade, but it was nice to be out enjoying the day...

one of the reasons it was nice was that i was wearing my guava lamp tshirt...you see i got this tshirt at their 4th bday party in february when i was out with paul...the BG was in nyc with her son and paul and i went to dinner and then to a few gay bars, ending up at guava because it was their party...everyone in the place at midnight was given a free tshirt, standard fruit of the loom white, one size fits all tshirt, with the guava logo on the front...mine has been sitting on the shelf since then because it was rather clingy, not at all a flattering fit, but i was hopeful...when i pulled on my shorts this morning, they were somewhat less than snug right from the dryer...anyone who has ever lost any weight at all knows the feeling i speak of...it is an exciting moment when you feel that everything you have in reserve that has been too snug to wear is going to fit...well i was not thinking everything, but i was hoping the guava shirt would be workable...my shorts, which have been my favorites for six years, particularly because they are elasticized denim and offer some flex and give around the extra pounds, were loose...fate was working with me...it was in the 90s today and there was no way i wanted to wear another tshirt as most of the ones i own are dark colors...the guava lamp shirt is white...cotton...nice and cool on a 90 something degree day...

yes, dammit, i wore it...it was loose, cool, and comfy...i do not think i will be putting it into the dryer, but i do think i will be enjoying it all summer and until it is dingy and grey...unless, of course it becomes...ummmm...too big to wear...hah...

after the art car parade we went to cafe artiste and i had black beans and rice...second time this week...it might be one of my new favorite things...then we came home and took a nap...we had planned to go to the mosque down the street for their open house dinner, but as we walked down there, there were few cars in the lot, and there was nothing inviting about the place...no sign that said welcome or anything...so we opted to turn around and go...

instead we went back into town and split a small pizza from empire cafe, and a piece of cake...we had an invitation to a gallery opening and we were a little early for that so dinner was a good time filler...after the gallery opening, we went to boca chica for a drink...

boca chica is a new mexican cuban fusion restaurant that is lesbian owned...usually that alone is reason enough for me to like a place...something about the owners is less than gracious and i enjoy the spaces they have created, but they are not places we frequent...the food is good for what it is, but the prices are just a little too high for what you get...it is like downtown prices and the food and service just do not merit them...they have another place we like well enough too, but it is almoost the same menu and the attitude and price thing is consistent...we go to bocado's on occasion on wednesday night for a snack after meteor, but we do/will not frequnt either place as much as we would like to...

something about that less than gracious attitude...not a path to take when you want my business...

2003-05-10T09:11:00.000-05:00

saturday morning...yesterday was quite pleasant...the BG and i went to galveston in the morning to just play in the water and get away for a couple of hours...we keep saying that we need to explore more of it and i think to get a junp on that i might plan a trip down with paul soon as he has been down to some of the gay places...we sat on the beach reading for an hour or so, yesm wuth plenty od sunscreen on...i got the slightest amount of color, and the Bg is mucho fair, got a little pink on her lower back...we opted to just get sandwixhes at home afterwards for lunch so it was a cheap little road trip...

today is the art car parade...we will go to where the cars line up before hand...there will be 250 cars in this years parade and thousands of people milling around checking them out...i think this afternoon we are meeting some new friends at tortuga pre-game for the comets game tonight...not going to the game, just meeting to hang with the lesbians...then tonight is an open house/art sale that we are going to...busy day...

oh, and maybe the lottery goddess will pick my numbers tonight...18 mil, or any part of it, would be a nice treat...

2003-05-07T10:45:00.000-05:00

10:30 in the morning and it is already above 80 degrees...i so love living in houston...i wish the beach was just 15 minutes closer...i think we might ride down to galveston on friday and just hang out...it is still sort of pre season there so there might not be any hanging out to do, but we can explore around and see what we can come up with...

i went last friday to a discussion by hitaji and she asked me if i would help her organize a follow up meeting of our retreat group...that will be sometime soon...i am also going to barter time with her and take advantage of her life coaching skills to help me decide what i really want to do...i have recently been thinking of going back to school, and if there is financial assistance available, hitaji will know where to find it...i am so fickle when it comes to knowing what i want from life...the best answer is i want a lottery jackpot...

2003-05-05T10:58:00.000-05:00

I was visiting the grey bird (linked left) and saw this link to the following test where i scored into the 6th level of hell...tskx3...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

2003-05-05T10:37:00.000-05:00

it's cinqo de mayo...we should be celebrating, si?i need to figure out what to mae the BG for dinner...I am thinking burgers or dogs as both are in the freezer...i just sent off an inquiry email...once she answers i will take the appropriate item out of the freezer and then go do some supplementary grocery shopping...yahoo...what an exciting eventful day...

last night, i was chatting with my oldest son...he is 18 now and has gone to try life with his biological dad...at xmas time he was rather rude to his brother and then to me, all via chat...he was talking shit about stuff he thought to be true, but truths from presumptions he had made...questions and bits of info he had that he reasoned to be truths...not truths at all...i told him this at the time, and then i went on to tell him that he should not talk or chat with me again until he could be respectful and courteous and remember it was his mother he was talking to, not one of his peers...

last night was the first i have heard from him...he is moving up oin the kitchen and will soon be on one of the cooking lines...he was stunned that i had no words of congratualtions...i asked him why he had no words of apology for his previous behavior...he said he did not think it was called for...so i went into let's be frank mode..we cleared the air about a lot of things...he had a laundry list of mom type infractions...mostly stuff he had seen glimpses of...isolated pieces of the big picture which he used to fabricate something larger...it was easy to clear up all of them...i even told him about the night i left his biological father, something i have never told anyone...

my urge to him remained to go toward a ged...his spelling is atrocious and of course he does not want to talk about it...i kept working it in to the conversation, and when i did he would bring up again why was i not pleased that he is working on to the line in a 4 star kitchen and building a resume...he slaughtered the spelling of resume so badly that i nearly missed what he meant...i explained to him my concern over the fact that his resume might mean nothing outside of lake placid if he did not have at the least a ged to back it up...he has so much to learn...he is a shit talker amidst a kitchen of shit talkers...

i feel we certainly left things on a much better note than they had been, so we shall see what comes next...

2003-05-03T12:37:00.000-05:00

looking out the front window at the relative calm in the neighborhood...The BG asks, "are those squirrels fucking?" it was actually a mother and baby...she was introducing jr to the outside world and jr just wanted to play, but would not go more than an inch from mama's side...as sawyer, our dog, also picked up the squirrels on his radar, i could tell he wanted to just be turned ouut into the yard to make them flee...his back arched out a little and the hair stood up...he is such a cat...no low rumbling growl this time, but i think that is because he knew he would not be let out loose into the unfenced front yard...after a few minutes of squirrel gazing, he gave up and ran out the patio door to patrol the back yard...pity the squirrel who thinks he can stroll through sawyer-space...

i was reading over at cubicle girl (linked to the left) that she finally got the contract for her book deal and an advance...excellent news...motivational or affirming even...

last night we went to see groupo fantasma at the last concert cafe...it was nice to sit out under the stars and listen to them...they are a tejano and, or at least i think that is what they are...i really enjoy them and bought their cd at an earlier performance...i listen to it quite a bit and it is available at their website...there are sound clips available there too...go check them out...if you are in the austin area, where they are from, you should see them whenever you get the chance...i think they do a lot of mini tours out and about and i know they have been up and down the east coast...should be a tour date link on their site too...

tonight we were going to go to the international festival to see angelique kidjo, but i think we have dropped that plan in favor of a cheapie dinner out and some pool at the quava lamp...guave lamp is a nice little gay bar here in houston, and we discovered last week if we go early, the pool table is open and there is nearly noone there so it is relatively smoke free...i think we might have a new place to hang for here and there snatches of time...

2003-05-02T14:39:00.000-05:00

may second and i am already distracted by what is coming later this month...i have a 'zine to get out and do not particularly want this distraction at this time...i suppose i need to make myself an ep to do list...that might help keep me on task...also, i have taken various journaling about the miscarriage and compiled the text to see if perhaps this is the year i actually write something cohesive about the incident...it has been 8 years and maybe it is finally time to lay it to rest...

tonight is a talk by hitaji at 7 and then i think we will be going to see groupo fantasma at last concert cafe...pancakes and maple blueberry sausage for an early dinner, and maybe a snack of nachos later tonight at the show...

the only thing i can think of to label how i have been feeling the past few days is syuck in neutral...i have been revving up and getting a lot of stuff done...actually been rather productive, but in unimportant ways i suppose, so really not much has been accomplished...

2003-04-30T08:26:00.000-05:00

yea...seems my unemployment case has been decided and i am eligible to receive benefits...the first three weeks i was unemployed i was not paid for because i received pay in lieu of notice, but the check is in the mail for the fourth week and my now bi-monthly filing will be in some sort of groove...the challenge now will be to fit my bills around about half what i was making...i suppose the thing that will make this work is that my car is paid for in june so that then opens things up a little...until then, however, it will be ight finances...i need to see when my consolidation is paid in full...i know it is soon, but not sure exactly when...that is the one bill that is directly taken from my checking account so the real challenge is to be dead certain the money for it is there on the 15th of the month...everything else gets to be juggled around it...yippee...

2003-04-29T22:34:00.000-05:00

i have been a good grrl and changed my link to jadedju to reflect her new address...if you link her, please do the same and she might send you kisses or something!!

2003-04-28T21:00:00.000-05:00

what is it about plain old elbow macaroni with a pat of butter and some salt and pepper...i made burgers on the grill for dinner for the BG and i and with them i fried up a potato i found in the fridge...also, we had some mixed field greens...i really should have gone to the store today, but once i thought about it, we are going to both be out for dinner tuesday and wednesday, most anything i bought fresh would not be by the time we ate it...

anyway, i had not eaten much else during the day so i was still hungry...the choice was macaroni or oatmeal and i was just not feeling like something sweet...

tres yumm...

2003-04-28T10:03:00.000-05:00

well, we went to the new flea market yesterday...it is billed as houston's largest and i imagine that is in terms of square footage, not in terms of all the stalls being full...it was a mixed bag and we enjoyed walking around, but it was certainly not a real flea market in my estimation...the only purchase we made was two 2 inch buddha figurines...both on money bags as it turned out for financial luck...one is a jade green color and one is a burnt orange color...we also saw a woman with some tea pots we liked, but we opted to wait on those...there were 2 salon stalls, too, highly illegal, but enterprising regardles of their legality...and there were a few vendors with yu-gi-oh cards, so maybe we will take the boy next time, though at 14, i think he might rapidly shift out of having that particular interest...

no peanut roaster...no converse allstars...no pork roll or salami...no aunt dorothy...sigh...

2003-04-27T10:33:00.000-05:00

i just picked up the journal i was using before i began this blog...not much interesting stuff going on, but the last entry was about my miscarriage and i know there is an entry here about it as well...perhaps it is also time to work on a cohesive oiece to lay that to rest...the anniversary rolls around again next month...

2003-04-27T10:15:00.000-05:00

i have recently been working on a piece for an anthology about growing up poor or working class and there is a lot there begging to be written...it might even obscure the anthology piece but it feels like it is writing itself...i need to find a way to channel it all effectively...effectively for me not the anthology piece...i need to get a grip on what exactly it is i am trying to say and a feel for who, if anyone, might want to hear/read it...and maybe the answer is just write it, they will come...

it is a glorious day today...currently only 75 degrees...i know that yesterday it eventually hit 90 and i think today will be much the same...maybe i will go see if the new flea market i have read about is real...i try to have no expectations around this because i have a history that includes the grandmama of all flea markets, englishtown, nj...nothing can ever compare and this i know...of course the englishtown of today is a far cry from the one i knew 30 years ago...leaving the house at 5:30 in the morning if i was lucky enough for my daddy to take me along, and going later in the day with my mom if not...waiting patiently while they browsed the seeming endless acres never looking for anything in particular...finally getting to the inside fresh peanut vendor and waiting for some peanuts fresh from the roaster...seeing my aunt dorothy at work in the same inside building and wondering if it was time for her to pass me a new handbag from her selection of stock...the older i got, the nicer the bag...going around the corner to get some taylor pork roll, or a hebrew national salami, there was always one hanging on the cupboard door at home...and again patiently waiting for the vendor to slip me a few mini salamis, strung together like sausages...on days when i needed new sneakers, i could choose from a selection of converse allstars...canvas high tops and i always wanted red or black...i wonder if they still make those...certainly not for eight bucks a pair...this is the flea market i want to go to...

2003-04-26T10:09:00.000-05:00

just back from the airport...my son is on his way back to his father...i need to detox and i am not sure how to help that along...he is so potent with his father's energy and i am terribly saddened by that...it makes me feel as if i have failed him as a mother, and i am powerless to do anything about it...time to go sulk...

2003-04-25T09:56:00.000-05:00

yesterday, i had my son blatantly lie to me...i thought he and i had an understanding that telling the truth is the most important thing...he and the BG's son went and egged a neighbor's house...the woman came down and asked and he not only denied it, but he blamed another neighbor boy...i was so disappointed when i learned the truth...i cancelled dave and buster's, withdrew tv priveleges, and told him the only thing he could be doing the next 2 days would be reading his book...i then made him tell his father, which he could not do so i ended up telling him...then he and i got into it and i ended up hanging up on him...i can honestly say i hate that man...he had no clue that the lie was the issue and no clue that it was so much an issue because of all the lies he told me...i will not be speaking to his father for a long while to come, and i really thought we were past all that...i think this afternoon i will lighten up on my son because i found out afterwards that the BG's son recently did this at his dad's house and i am pretty sure this was his idea...does not excuse my son doing it, but it does lessen the situation...i am however more concerned with the lie anyway...i think maybe we will go take some pics and try to shake it all off...

yesterday on the way to yoga i had to drive through a hail storm...that was my first experience with hail, and all i can say was i felt like a piece of popping corn...i really got an earful of what it sounds like on the inside of a corn popper...the hail was gumball size...

2003-04-24T09:40:00.000-05:00

it is a bit of a dreary day here in houston today...i am going to go to yoga and maybe the haze will have burned off by then...then i will zip home and collect my son and we will finally go off to lunch as we have been hoping to all week...still need to go by saks and pay the bill, as well as circuit city...i think we will do both of those on the way to lunch...i also need to run to target to get tablets for cleaning my contacts...i tried to do that when we went earlier this week, but they were out, so i need to try a different store...what a glorious plan for the day...

2003-04-23T22:19:00.000-05:00

so it appears it was not blogger having difficulty, but rather some weird mojo sort of stuff going on with my laptop settings...i think it might be fixed now, but i will have to wait and see how it goes...

2003-04-23T21:49:00.000-05:00

Blogger has not been working...grrr...

I just got an update call from my unemployment case lady...she said she finally got a call back from my ex boss-man and he told her I had been given 4 weeks severance, it was 3...which was not a problem because I explained to her where the claim form said even if you were continued on as paid you use the last day you worked....but then when you call in to update, it is different and I was supposed to include that maybe...also, I told her I thought it was vacation pay I was due and not severance...we shall see about that and how it plays out...could be I am approved but not paid for the weeks I got severance...that will be a stretch on the finances, but I decided we will nt be going to new orleans, so it will still work out, might just be uncomfortable for a few weeks...he also told her the reason I was let go was unsatisfactory job performance and that I was informed repeatedly about this, which was an outright lie...I need to let the BG knw, but at the same time, I do not want this to inflame her and make for a nastier work environment than she already has...I think I will wait to see what the decision is and then tell her...

2003-04-22T13:11:00.000-05:00

ommmmmmmmm...

yoga is more work as each week passes...i am still liking it very much and this is exactly the teacher i am supposed to be with...after class i feel incredibly balanced and ready...of course i still need to determine ready for what, exactly...today, the only to do i have is to go pay the saks bill...then my son and i are going to go to lunch and just hang out at whatever cafe we choose...my son will be reading his book report book, and i will be working on a piece i want to submit for an anthology...it is about growing up poor or working class...i have had the call for a couple of months now it seems, but i have not been inspired until now and the deadline is fast approaching...if that piece is not emerging, perhaps i will be able to work on something for EP...the restaurant review or maybe a new feature...i do not have an idea for one yet, but perhaps something ill materialize...or perhaps a version of what i am working on for the anthology...

2003-04-21T16:35:00.000-05:00

i think i actually managed to get all my errands done...i got to the bank, post office, fax place, target, and even lowes...feels like i might have forgotten something, but i have no idea what...i also discovered when i restarted my laptop, that the fax set-up does work, but it can not dial out while i am logged in to the internet as it needs that phone line...duh...perhaps i need to read the directions to see what other features i might be missing out on...

i am going to get started on some writing i have neglected for a while...see what comes of it all...i also have a new to do list so i need to get organized and take advantage of this free time...

2003-04-21T09:10:00.000-05:00

yesterday was easter...i know that only because it was the day my son chose to fly for his spring break visit...i suppose that easter being of no notice is pretty much in line with th passing of christianity out of my life...it is, afterall, a religious holiday...we had no fuss...no huge dinner celebration to prepare...it was just another day and we had a grocery store roast chicken for dinner with leftovers from saturday's monthly family day bbq...when we went to the store for groceries, we bought a bag of peanut butter eggs for the boys to share...that was the extent of the easter candy...

my son arrived right at 11 am...i met him at the airport and thought it was interesting that my bra beeped when i went through security...that has never happened before and it made me wonder if the screening device is more sensitive now...i got to the airport half an hour early, had to wait in line to get a security pass to meet his flight, and then had to wait for a female attendant for a personal screening at security for beeping...that in combination with his flight arriving 10 minutes early all made for perfect timong and i met him just as he was exiting the plane...i thought he might have been just a little taller, but i did jjust see him at xmas...he told me last night he wants to get his hair cut...it has not been cut in a year and a half and he wears it in braids...when he was here at xmas time, he wore it down for a few days and has a shoulder wide afro...

i have been round and round with his father about letting him cut it off if thatis what he wants...the last time we went around about it i thought he understood my point of it being a way to respect his ability to make decisions and be his own person...he is 12 now and aware of the time it takes to grow his hair out again for braiding...so we will go see marcus and he will get his head virtually shaved again...he knows he will be in ht water with his dad when he returns on saturday...but to me him knowing this and still wanting to do it means he has been thinking about it long enough and is ready...

i can tell by how he is acting he wants to stay with me again...when he went home for the summer to his father's last may, he was to be coming back here for the school year and he asked if he could stay there for school to be with his friends...i told him he needed to know that whatever choice he made, he would be in that school system for the duration...i explained to him that his brother switched schools almost every year after 7th grade, and that i thought that was part of the reason he failed grade 11 and quit school...he understood that all, and made the decision to stay with his dad for school...i think it will be time for him to see some consequences...

other than him visiting this week, not much else is different...i still have not heard a final decision on my unemployment case, but it is likely to be decided in my favor and i will know something definite by friday...i could be a little free-er with spending right now if i knew for sure it was approved, but really i would not be spending much more because i want to still be able to attendsasfest in new orleans...common sense is beginning to weigh on my decision...

today i have some piddly crap to do...i need to go by lowes and pay my bill and i might pick up the rest of the quickrete needed to finish the project in the back yard...should need 4 bags more and it would give us something to do...also need to run by target and get some contact stuff, go to the post office to mail some Emerald Pilllows issues, and then to kinko's to fax a paper to the unemployment claims person...

yippee...

2003-04-17T17:39:00.000-05:00

isn't it lovely...

there is a dead squirrel in the attick...it is just the loveliest of odors when the air conditioner is on and right now it is 89 degrees...i need me some a/c...we are waiting until bed time to knock it on and will burn some incense or something to combat the foulness...i imagine we will be blessed with the foul stench for about a week or so...charming...i think i need to get on the BG's butt to block up the holes where the lovelies gain access before another nesting season hits...

2003-04-16T09:14:00.000-05:00

of course sitting here listening to the squirrels in the attic is going to make me cra-zy...

2003-04-16T09:13:00.000-05:00

well, i was going to go to a yoga class in the park this morning, but i am just not feeling like it...not feeling like much of anything at the moment...also raining...blech...

2003-04-15T22:32:00.000-05:00

sitting here tonight wondering why now that i have all the time in the world to write, i have little to say...i think i am beyond the tv surf zone...there is so little to watch...how is it that on90someodd channels there s nothing on? i suppose if there was an 'all fucking all the time' channel, i might find something to entertain me...mmmlisa marie on howard stern...i suppose that should be all i need to tell me her new cd is not worthy...all publicity is not good publicity...going on his show is the epitome of classless...do i think he is funny? at times yes, and i have even on occasion thought he was sexy...but even howard has lost his appeal...i will stay tuned in for the glimpse here and there of robin, his producer, but the show is depressing raunch most of the time, competing with jerry springer for worst show...

and a promo for anna nicole...i just need to turn the tv off i think and only turn it on for my selected viewing...nypd blue, er, alias, and general hospital...though gh might be on its way out thedoor...

i do not think i have had a wired babble like this going on in a long while...ping...ping...pa-ping...

and a second half hour of howard with kid rock...i think it is time for bed...or a book...something...anything...

2003-04-14T13:25:00.000-05:00

i am taking the day to sort of regroup and get my to do list in order...that is real work, you know?

anyway, here i am sitting down to watch days of our lives...total unadulterated crap...i cannot believe that i used to watch this religiously...i have to pronounce it low brow...yet another show that is just not worthy of my time...really it is not even worthy of this mini rant...i suppose it is another indication of my newfound snobbery towards all things low brow...it is not that i am so far removed from it myself, but i have seen a decline in things i used to take deliberate time for...not a decline in my current predilections, but a decline in what i used to focus on...as far as soaps go i used to think it was a vastly misunderstood genre...currently i still can appreciate general hospital, but beyond that one surviving show, i have little patience left for the genre...i fear my patience for gh will wane further as well...not at all a bad thing, but i do umm...like the show still today...

2003-04-14T10:50:00.000-05:00

i am so unmotivated to get my ass moving this morning...i have to go get a dba for emerald pillows...i suppose that is my only major to do today, but i think it might just get bumped to tomorrow...if i stay home, however i think i will be working on getting my books in better order and maybe setting up functional shelf space for ongoing ep stuff...organizational...

yesterday i read chicken by paula martinac...it was ok...good enough to keep reading...and then finish...one thing i plan to do with the books is weed out any i have not read and shelve them separately so i can just grab one and read...might get some read/sun time in as well...galveston is calling too, but not today...maybe wednesday...

2003-04-12T09:15:00.000-05:00

yesterday was rather productive...i managed to 'actively' look for work...woohoo...and not get any...as martha would say...it's a good thing...

mucho to do today...i have to first call my wasband and get on his ass about not sending me stuff to register/renew his vehicle which i possess...expired in february...driving it with my fingers crossed...then it is off to yoga class for an hour and a half that leaves me feeling extraordinary...after that, directly to beth's to do some hair cuts...then tonight is the grand opening of a lesbian owned mexican/cuban fusion restaurant...they are having a live salsa band so it should be fun...think i might work a nap in somewhere this afternoon...

2003-04-11T10:12:00.000-05:00

i really do not like waking from an unsettling bizarro dream...in this dream i went back to langley afb, i suppose with my husband...we went back for a short enough time that it was like a vacation, like going home from texas for a break, though i did not have work to go back to...while there i went to visit my beauty school teacher because while i was on base i saw a woman who i thought was lisa, a beauty school classmate of mine and she thought it would be fun to go visit her...

i say unsettling because i have not even seen my *EX* husband in at least 6 years...he has never lived with me here in texas...he was never visible in my dream, but he is the only perspn i can imagine with whom i was going back to langley, in an official capacity...i suppose all the war crap going on has perhaps instigated that aspect of the dream...

equally unsettling was sseeing lisa at langley, in virginia, as she still lives in upstate ny where I am from and where i went to beauty school...the idea that she would be there just casually, and be doing haircuts and have a familiarity with all my ex's coworkers, some identifiable in the dream, is just bizarre...also that i have not seen nor heard from her in 20 years...bizarro...and then that we could just casually go visit mrs. phebus...at the beauty school which is 12 hours away in new york...and would she still be teaching? not at all likely...only in a dream...

ugh...unsettling...and now i am hungry...

2003-04-09T09:12:00.000-05:00

damn...it's 43 degrees this morning...we here in the south are supposed to be past that cold crap...criminal...i think i decided today for sure that yes, we will still go to sasfest...i have been wavering on it because of the new finance situation, me being unemployed...i still have to wait to know my unemployment $$ have kicked in, but we will be going definitely...who am i trying to convince?

i just learned of an event in austin the end of may called lady fest...i got an email from my teacher liz who i did the gynomite class with and she is looking for some readers...maybe i will do some new erotica for the occasion...hmmm...go see what it is all about...

2003-04-08T11:52:00.000-05:00

i took a slugg day yesterday to detox from the trip and am feeling mostly better today...i indulged in a few too many peanuts and they are sitting in my stomache like a ton of bricks...making me feel bloaty and crampy...ewwwww...it was enough to keep me out of yoga this morning though i did manage to do a mini session on my own...off today to pull ep together...oh, and somewhere in the midst of that chaos, i need to "actively look" for work...

2003-04-07T10:37:00.000-05:00

wow...5 days have passed since i have blogged...i must be ill...nope...on friday morning, the BG and i waited for her dad to get here, then we went to pick up her son and we drove to her sister's where she had a rented van waiting and she and her son's stuff already packed...from there we went to the big d for the BG's cusin's wedding...4 hours in the car listening to a bitter old man hack away his lung was so pleasant...we stopped at ihop for a late breakfast in huntsville and of course sat in the smoking section so papu could work on his lung a little more...i think at some point i might start sitting alone in non-smoking when we are having these joy-filled family moments...it would not be so bad but he is the most inconsiderate smoker i know, not that i know a lot of smokers, but any others i have been around are much more courteous...like stepping away from the car to smoke and closing the door so the smoke does not come right in...or maybe exhaling before getting back into the car...or keeping the ashtray far away from the other people at the table, all non-smokers...

anyway, in spite of his rude ways, it was still a pleasant trip...the sister stayed with a college friend a few miles away, and when she came back for the wedding, she had left her 2 yr old with her friend so she could have some fun...the BG and i shared a room with her son, 14, which was fine, and papu had his own smoker's room which was also fine...on friday night we went to the marina to "Charlie's" for the (non)rehearsal dinner/pre-wedding celebration...was a party on the dock sort of affair annd lots of fun...there was another paio-o-dykes there to which was encouraging...i think we were there until about 1030 or so...just a few beers...maybe 6 or so...we went back to the hotel, and the BG's son and i had seen the sign for internet connection available so we did not care that the BG and papu were heading to the bar around the way...

we got back to the room and while i was taking my contacts out, the boy was hooking up his laptop...webtv was also available, so i figured i could check mail and surf from that...i suddenly heard an impassioned "fuck, it's not working" from the boy...i went over and read the card on the desk and asked him if he had his ethernet card with him and he said no, that he leaves it at home because it only works there and not at our house where he uses his cables to hook up...so you need the card to get on the internet...he was bummed, but we had brought some dvds along...i do not have a card, so i did not bother trying to hook up, and was pretty tired anyway so went to bed...i think the BG got in friday night around 130 or so...

when i got up on saturday morniing, all i wanted was a chai tea from starbucks...in houston, we are pretty spoiled in that we are never terribly far from a starbucks...in some areas there are locations across the street from each other...some malls even have multiple locations...in our travels the day before to pick up the boy's tux (he was an usher), i had seen a barnes and noble, but no starbucks...of the b abd ns that we frequent in houston, one has republic of tea's writer's chai, which absolutely sucks, and the other has the tazo chai which is available at a regular starbucks...of course this b and n has the sucky chai...before we ordered i asked if there was a real starbucks nearby and the waiter boy gave me the exasperated sigh telling me "right across the street?"...

we got our chai and then headed to the store to get some donuts and chocolate milk for the boy...when we weturned to the hotel, we met up woth papu in the lobby and he suggested lunch over at the bar they were at the night before, so we took the boy his stuff, and headed over...at lunch began saturday's marathon drinking...since i knew there was a bus taking us to the wedding and back, i knew none of us would be driving...also, though, i knew it would be a marathon sort of drinking day, so i decided to forgo the margaritas and drank bud light...i lost count sometime after the cake had been served about 8 pm, and after a few, ummm...jello shooters, but then i was at a16 i think...after we got back to the hotel, the party went back over to humperdink's and we drank until they kicked us out at 2 am, or suddenly 3 am because of the time change...i have to estimate i drank close to a case of beer...i rarely drink much of anything lately, so papu mentioned he was impressed by my quantity consumed vs my still reserved controlled manner...i decided to not explain the difference between he and i being that i just do not get drunk in the same was that he, an alcoholic does...of course, he would not have remembered it if i had...i might on occasion get a slight buzz, but i usually then moderate my drinkng to appreciate that...as much as i drank on saturday, i just never got that feeling...

on sunday we had to check out at noon...i had received a call from the sister on my cell at about 8 which made us stir...i got up and went to the bathroom, but we all then went back to sleep...gotta love drawn heavy hotel drapes...i woke up finally at 1030 and decided i needed to get our collective asses in gear...i jumped in the shower and dressed and then promptly opened the drapes, much to the dismay of my roomies...once i said it was 11, the BG got right up and while she was in the shower i began to police the room and pack...

the ride home was much the same as the ride there...we stopped for gas as we left the hotel and papu asked for a beer...that particular chevron, while having a minimart, did not sell beer...poor papu...we went on down the road about an hour or so and stopped at another gas chevron type place...we were in a dry county...poor papu...we got to centerville, halfway between dallas and houston, and stopped at the obligatory halfwat dairy queen...there is a bbq joint next door which papu went into, but since they do not sell beer, i can only presume that centerville is also dry...poor papu...we stopped near the sister's house to top off the gas tank, and i think her county does not sell beer on sunday...a comedy at this point...

once the BG and i were home and papu had left we were just unwinding a little...after an hour or so we decided we might be just a little hungry so we opted for papasito's as it is close by...we shared a del mar platter and drank, ummm...water!! then we went over to b and n for a cup of tea and some magazine reading...all is finally back to normal...

2003-04-02T18:37:00.000-06:00

system cannot find the file specified...not sure i like that...

2003-04-02T10:53:00.001-06:00

oh...ps...it's all good...

2003-04-02T10:53:00.000-06:00

wow...i have not posted in a few days...i suppose not punching a clock will do that to ya...on monday i wennt to taco milagro for lunch with my friend paul...we had a liesurely lunch with beers on the patio in about 73 degree sunny weather...it was simply divine...we then went to the chocolate bar...gay owned, everything handmade chocolates...i had a pecan milk chocolate bar which is small, about 2 bites, and a milk chocolate covered, white chocolate drizzled doublestuff oreo...omigod...nothing else will ever again come close for the moment when a severe chocolate craving hits...that one oreo did about a year's worth of therapy for purging nasty oildom work energy...we then went to michael's outpost, think middleaged gay boy version of cheer's...the bartender remembered my drink and my name, and we sat and had a few...

let me back up to the weekend...on saturday i went and saw mimi for a pedicure and went to te beauty supply store to get some miscellaneous hair products...then it was time for our second monthly family day where we bbq some fod and gather and drink beer and just chill...the sister in law brought the nephew and the father in law came and we discussed our plans for the trip to the big d for the cousin's wedding this weekend...we had a pork loin roast, some bbq pork ribs, grilled portabello and some tortelini with pesto...oh, and green beans...yumm...

on sunday, the BG and I were judges for the first annual lesbian single olympics...it was a glorious day out in the park surrounded by lesbians...lots of fun...

yesterday, paul and i again went to lunch, this time to baba yega...it is a local gay place that has been there forever and has a heavy vegetarian though not only veg. menu...then we went shopping to anthropologie for some incense and over to williams sonoma where i still had 400 bucks worth of gift certificate...i got some russian tea and sweet tangy mustard for the BG, a grill pan for doing small stuff on the grill, salt mill, pepper mill, tea strainer...a wusthof 6 inch chef's knife...some other misc. crap...and i still have 200 left...it is always nice to shop on free money...

Today i am going to go catch up sharon, my old boss at jcp, on the latest goings on and my tentative plan of taking a few months off to write if unemployment kicks in and coming back to work for her mid summer or so, but sooner if unemployment does not kick in...i should know something on that by next week...

now i need to get my ass in gear and get the april issue of Emerald Pillows ready...lots of stuff at various stages of doneness...this could be a challenge as the BG is in a funk about still working at that place and the bossman has been nasty via email...challenges face her in staying there...

2003-03-30T10:18:00.000-06:00

so friday was a blur of activity...as pearl suggested, at 3 pm i heard the now ex-bossman in on his typewriter and somehow i just new it was my dismissal letter he was typing...i was a bit surprised that it was not sent in email, as that has been his preferred method of uncomfortable-let's-avoid-confrontation communication...he had sent the dragon lady's editor friend home early and told the dragon lady to remain in her office until i left, and then at 3:15 he brought the letter to me and put it on my desk telling me it would be my last day at oildom...The letter says it has been pleasant working with me, but this change is necessary...i think that sort of clinches my eligibility for unemployment compensation, and i will be there to apply first thing monday morning...

i can't imagine what my reaction would have been if we had no idea this was coming...

2003-03-29T14:13:00.000-06:00

fyi...

it's official...release...more later...

2003-03-28T12:20:00.000-06:00

well, i have made it to lunch time...less than 4 hours to go to see if i am still employed...then it will be a day to day wait for a couple of weeks and if i survive that, it will become the countdown to me leaving of my own free will...all the while getting stuff...into its proper order...

what exactly is the proper order for stuff? I really have no idea...debts paid, insurance and dr issues handled, some appointments i should have taken care of before any upheaval...i am already in a good place mentally...beyond any of this, i just do not know...

2003-03-28T08:44:00.000-06:00

it feels this morning like it could be my last day here...my friend pearl says that 3pm will be the witching hour...i suppose it is just the energy of anticipation and wishful thinking...but i would still prefer to be leaving on my terms when i choose to which would be june or july...regardless, it's all good...

i have been in a busy whirlwind lately trying to organize my thoughts for the april edition of Emerald Pillows...it is barely beginning to gel mentally, but i have faith in my process...

not much new otherwise, which might be a good thing...not really sure...

2003-03-27T13:34:00.000-06:00

this place is so exhausting...and i am not killing myself with work...perhaps if i was given more to do i would be less tired...and there is still the possibility that i might get handed some walking papers...too many little things to ignore the possibility...a friend suggested perhaps i will be told at the end of the day friday, and another suggested perhaps my replacement has to give 2 week notice with her current place and i might just not be informed until she can replace me...of course that is presuming there is a replacement in the works...so much drama over pure speculation...

if nothing else, i have gotten some office spring cleaning done...

2003-03-26T13:15:00.000-06:00

i was feeling an urge for something light and asian, so i ordered some steamed pork dumplings from a place down the road...as usual, they were tres yum., but i got a pleasant confirmation in my fortune cookie..."all the troubles you have will pass away very quickly"...

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

2003-03-26T09:42:00.000-06:00

it is odd how skewed your perseption can be if what you think is going on, *is* really going on...of course, if it *is* really going on, then your perception is not skewed at all...

there were some odd occurances around the office yesterday which made a lot of other seemingly nondescript occurences add up to the possibility that i am soon to get the boot...would that be an entirely bad thing? absolutely not...it would likely be the fire under my butt i need to get me in a more pleasant work environment...

the BG and i usually leave aground 4...i stayed til 430 because i was late monday morning because of a dr appt and i wanted to make up the time...the BG stayed also, because she was wanting to finish what she was working on and she was here until 5 or so...around that time, she heard the dragon lady in the conference room with someone...the room is right next to her office...as she was wondering who she was talking to, the bossman came down and peeked into her office, not to ask her anything, but seemingly to make sure she was gone for the day...of course, as it happened, she was not gone for the day and he turned around and closed the conference room door on his way by...saying nothing to the BG in the process...

when the BG left, she saw that the dragon lady(the dl) was interviewing someone...someone who looked very secretary-ish...it is interesting to me how all this unfolds, the spin it now puts on everything, such as the dl coming in and saying an all-too-happy good morning to me when normally it is all she can do to grunt as she passes my desk...i can't say i am at all surprised, if i am to be replaced, at the level of immaturity involved with office politics...why not just say to me that my lack of skills is not working out, and that we will be looking for a replacement...it just makes no sense to me...

i have the fallbacl of going back to jc penney, and i think the salon mgr there will be delighted to have me back on any terms, and also i would be working with paul again...a good thing all around, if it can happen a little later, say july, rather than sooner...

2003-03-25T13:47:00.000-06:00

i have been experiencing a different type of boredom at work lately and i do not think working somewhere else will be the answer...i am not really sure if it is just an ambiguity, or if i am just no longer invested in a need to remain here...leaving, however and whenever it occurs, has to be on good terms as long as the BG is still employed here...the atmosphere is pleasant enough, but i resent the need to transact with such a bunch of hypocrites...they are both subtly and blatantly so...i have been contenting myself with just doing my own thing and getting my work done while filling in time doing stuff for me...i suppose if i could get on paper some sort of more tangible production schedule for EP, that would help...an EP to-so list would make things a little more...je ne sais quoi...

in the meantime....
sigh...

2003-03-25T09:16:00.000-06:00

i just heard a college educated editor say the words "would you just shut up..."...i just cannot stand it...it is so unnecessary...she said it in a joking manner to someone who was teasing her about something, but it is just one of those little pet peeves that make me cringe...add to that the office politics going on around me constantly and it is a nauseating atmosphere...good thing i do not actually have to work hard as well...i would have a meltdown for sure...

my legs are a little better today...on saturday i troweled concrete a good couple of hours...we worked at a liesurely pace and had a couple hour lunch break due to rain, but yesterday i was walking around like i had a lobster burn...the back of my thighs were just soo stiff...i found that if i sat at my desk and kept my feet flat on the floor whhile slowly rolling my chair backward, i could get a subtle stretch that did not kill me...that stretch feels good today...today it is enough better that i can roll my chair back 6-8 inches rather than 2...and walking is not terribly uncomfortable, just getting up from a seated position...

i have lately been wondering if i should go back to work for sharon, at jc penney...she would be thrilled to have me and would give me just about anything i asked for...it is such a mixed bag of crap...i feel a draw to go back to work for her, yet i am equally wary of it...maybe i should have the BG ask the cards...she might freak at the suggestion of me going back there...and deep down while i know it is an option, i am pretty sure it is not the answer...

not too much else going on...planning is underway for sasfest iin May so my first trip to new orleans is going to happen...woohoo...but before that is a weekend in dallas for a family wedding...ought to be interesting...and of course saturday is family bbq day this week...sigh...

2003-03-24T10:17:00.000-06:00

monday morninng back to work...the BG got home last night shortly after midnight and i think sawyer actually thought she would be taking him for a walk...of course i was in a deep enough sleep she may have and i missed that part...her trip was a success, they had fun, blahx3...

this morning i awoke and my thighs are so tight from doing the concrete trowling squat for a good part of the day on saturday...yowie...i am just moving really slowly...i had to go back by the doc's this morning to have my tb test read, and that got me here a little later than normal...which in turn caused me to park higher in the garage, which gave me extra steps to come down...wah...wah...wah...

not mush work t do today, so i can at least take it easy here, like that is ever negotiable anyway...

2003-03-23T09:27:00.000-06:00

the BG has been gone since thursday and Sawyer, the dog, has just reached the point where he thinks we live alone...he is her dog...our dog in the sense that we were together 4 years when she got him, but she is his alpha and i am normally chopped liver...not really, but sorta...

when the BG goes away, he first gets very sullen and will not come to bed at night...he has a big floor pillow next to the bed and is allowed on the bed, but when she is gone, the first night he is always out in the front room...sleeping, maybe, at least waiting and sighing, on the carpet by the door, waiting to hear her car in the driveway, to see the lights that shine in through he window as she parks...he does no bone chewing the first day or so either...i have seen this happen on each instance that she is gone overnight...

the second day he mopes around the house in a disgusted how-dare-she-leave-me-home-with-her manner...still no bone chewing...oh, and toward the end of the second day he will nibble his food...the second and third day then blend together with sawyer getting progressively more appreciative of my presence...if challenged, he recognizes that i am second dog, not him, but left unchallenged, when the BG is home, he likes to think this is not so...by the end of day three, he is eating normally, even catching up on what he neglected in previous days...he is more playful, and has stopped looking out the window for his real mother...he will even come sit in the bedroom with me while i am on my laptop and then at night, he will come to bed when i turn in..

this is the first occasion for us to have a day 4...this morning sawyer has been absolutely adoring of my presence in his life...as i awoke this morning, he was laying right in my face as he does each morning to the BG...just patiently waiting for me to wake up, knowing i was in the process...as soon as my eyes opened, he crept closer and sniffed my chin and then he kssed me...sawyer is not a kissing dog, other than giving his mother a small good morning kiss on occasion...now while i have been sitting here, he wants attention...he has been all up on me in his best i-was-a-cat-once intrusiveness...up on one side of the chair and around the back over to the other side of the chair...rubbing against me and wanting pets...he then went outside and brought one of his outside toys in, wwhich means he wants to play...that toy outsideonce again, he has settled on the bed across from me and is making a home of his other mother's spot, which is what he does if i am still online when the BG goes to bed, only he usualy does this in my spot and growls at me when i have the nerve to disturb him...

of course, the BG will be home tonight after midnight...i have no illusions that sawyer will maintain his current facade of loyalty toward me...he will come to bed tonight and snuggle in for the night...then around midnight, he will hear a car in the driveway and go running to the front room...he will sit and wait patiently on the carpet, knnowing that his real mother has come back to him...i will once again be chopped liver, not really, but sorta...

2003-03-21T23:44:00.000-06:00

beth introduced me tonight to the colorado bull dog...if you have never had one, think white russian meets coke float...tres yummy...

2003-03-21T23:42:00.000-06:00

i thought i might have something to say...just back from going to the rhythm room for another gogirlsevent...since the BG is in nyc for the weekend, i asked my friend beth to join me and told her it was up to her whether it was just her or her and her gf...her gf ended up going to a free symphony performance...i think this is the first time in a long while that we have gone out without at least one of our spouses or a third person...it was nice to just chat and vent...though beth did most all of the venting...both of us decided an early night was called for because we have stuff planned for morning, but i do not think we thought we would be out as late as we were...it was fun and we saw the first 2 acts, the first being a little twangy, but decent enough...the second was actually quite good...madalyn, the gogirls founder, offered a calendaqr page for the webpage free...nice deal...i will let the BG know because it will be less space for us to use on the ep site and they have a nice and easy to use program...

i was mindful this afternoon of how nicw it is on occasion, to be home alone knowing that noone is going to be disturbing you...just nice...that is in no way a complaint or criticism of not being home alone!!!

2003-03-21T14:47:00.000-06:00

do not expect a lyrical greeting just because you are calling a representative of the Gay Men's Chorus of Houston...i should clarify that i did not get a poor greeting, just not something stereotypically gay and chorus-like...i had to call them because my darling paul and i are going to a performance tomorrow night and tickets have yet to arrive...of course, logic dictates that i will go home to find them in the mailbox...the concert will be my reward after slaving away over the messiness of concrete all morning...

the BG's sister and i are going to try to fill in and level the back patio as a surprise for her return late sunday...i am sure i have already mentioned this here...maybe...i was out after work yesterday and i raked up the debris that has been collecting in this area...3 full bags...more work just in that than i would have liked for the entire ordeal...i thought we were going to have use of the sister's pressure washer to wash away the dirt too, but it is broken...i will get the hose on it this afternoon and see what happens...

while i was raking crud last night, i noticed that there are some bricks which are raised and might present some trouble as they are solidly attached...everything else is a depression where once there was a water feature...i will let the sister-in-law decide what to do with the offending bricks as her determination to remove them might be pretty formidable...i will look at them again this evening a little more closely...part of me says resurface the entire patio, but that is really too big a task...also, we are planning to deck over it in a year or so, so this is just an intermediate prettying up of the back yard space...also while working out there yesterday i potted some pepper and tomato plants i bought last week...the dog was thinking something was very wrong with his picture...i am not the work-in-the-yard-and-play-with-him mommy...

2003-03-20T09:21:00.000-06:00

after work yesterday, i went home, stapled the last of the breast cancer ribbons onto Emerald Pillows and then sat and read some more of my current book, Accidental Murder by Claire McNab...this is the 14th book with detective inspector carol ashton...i have read, of course, the previous 13, and 11, 12, and 13, in particular in the last week or so...number 14 is the first, i think, with bella books, and i am not sure if that is why i am less impressed, or if it is the editor who is slacking, or the author herself...this book has an extraordinary amount of typos, including omitted words, wrong tenses, etc...as a writer, as well as a reader, i find this poor level of production somewhat disconcerting...not sure what to do about it, but i will consider it further and perhaps go to the bella site and send them an email...

After reading, while waitiing for the BG to finish mowing the yard, i got ready to go to Meteor for the women's networking happy hour...i saw a few friends there, and met some new women in my capacity as editor/publisher/writer/producer of EP...we passed out issues and i schmoozed a little, then a bunch of us went on to Bocado's...bocado's is a lesbian owned mexican restaurant and on wednesday nights they push back the tables and have a dj in for a grrl party...we went to eat, and i passed out more copies of EP...there was a group of about 10 of us and it was good conversation and some more getting to know you...really it was the kind of socializing i have been yearning for since i moved here...it was quite pleasant all around...

the BG was anxious to leave a little sooner than i, but she had to get up early this morning to go to nyc for spring break with her son...they will be there athrough the weekend and home late sunday...while she is gone i will be doing some patio concrete repair/resurfacing as a surprise...i wanted to paint it too while she was gone, but the concrete needs 7 days to cure, so painting will have to happen in a week or so...the BG's sister is bringing over the power washer and will help...also i am going to a gogirlsevent with beth and irina and on saturday to see the gay mens chorus of houston at the wortham...nice event theater...i think on sunday i will go to brunch somewhere...or just slugg at home...

2003-03-19T08:55:00.000-06:00

EP was delivered last night to the lgbt community center, and to chances, a local lesbian bar...can you believe the bartender had to ask if they could be put out? needless to say, i only left about 10...i was a bit put off by their attitude, and i may not bring issues there in the future...the bartender herself was nice enough about it and certainly wanted her own copy to take home...lesbian news, for the lesbian community, in a lesbian bar...seems like a natural progression to me...

anyway, it will go tonight to meteor for the woman's happy hour and pass copies out, and maybe drop by another lesbian bar we know of, or go to bocado's which is a lesbian owned mexican restaurant that clears its floor on wednesday nights for dancing and a dj...not that many copies left to pass out, with the remaining going to gogirls music on friday night...i have next to nothing to do today...so i need to motivate myself to work on the april issue...

i got an email yesterday from the editor of the local lgbt magazine saying he saw EP and congratulations, and that he would like to do a feature on us in the May issue...i think that means we are nearly famous...woohoo...